Thursday, August 4, 2016

Faerie Era Exclusive! Interview with Calico

This week I am proud to include a Character Interview of Iffy Magic’s very own Calico by Sadie St. Elle-Maid of the Faerie Era, the premier news folio in the Faerie Vale.

St. Elle-Maid: Catnip, kitten? I like to offer all my guests their favorite comfort food before we delve into their deliciously deep, dark shocking sec—

Calico: I’m not a cat. I’m a feline shape shifter.

St. Elle-Maid: Of course you are! Your pedigree records show that your grandfather was the illustrious Puss n' Boots. So why didn’t you inherit his magic boots, hmmm? A little cat-fight, in the family, perhaps? Do tell.

Calico: My Granddad never said a cross word to me in my life. Or maybe, anything. I was the youngest out of twenty litter mates, you see, so—

St. Elle-Maid: Oh, what cruel scandalous neglect, you poor thing! Now for some questions from our readers. Lalania from Carolai asks: “If someone played with your hair, would it spark?”

Calico: Nobody plays with my hair. 

St. Elle-Maid: What a shame, kitten. On a scale of 1 to 10, how damaging are you to household furniture? 

Calico: Don’t call me “kitten.” Seriously, is this a real interview? 

St. Elle-Maid: Of course it is, kit—alico! Now, as a descendant of the Noble line of Feles, you automatically inherited one magical article of clothing on your 15th birthday, correct?

Calico: Sure I did. But the only thing left in the magic wardrobe by the time I got there was this turban. And the moment I claimed it, my family kicked me out on some absurd game to go “help a mortal.” 

St. Elle-Maid: I believe it’s called a “fairy tale quest.” You pick a worthy human and help make all their dreams come true—

Calico: I call it traditional stupidity. 

St. Elle-Maid: Oh, really? Because that’s not what recent events would indicate. According to our reports, you’ve been associating with a certain Primrose Goodwing, a whimsical little sprite obsessed with happy endings everywhere, and for everyone—

Calico: I’m not talking about Prim. 

St. Elle-Maid: I feel like you’re fighting me. You’re not being very cooperative. 

Calico: All right, you want an exclusive? Fine. Here’s your exclusive: Most of the articles of clothing in the House of Feles have lost their juice. You’d think from my grand jeweled turban that I could conjure up a castle or an army of ten thousand soldiers in the blink of an eye, right? Wrong. The spells woven into the threads are so old that the turban can barely muster a breakfast feast. Would you like a plate of elderberry cream tarts?

St. Elle-Maid: Yes, please! And don’t be stingy with the cream filling. 

Calico: I never skimp on the cream. I’m a “cat,” remember? 

After a brief stint studying shrieking at the Banshee Academy of Dramatic Wailing, Sadie St. Elle-Maid earned her Silver Quill chronicling the Dryad Wars of the Avalon apple groves. She has headed the Character Interview section of the Faerie Era for two centuries now and is widely regarded as the supreme expert of magical catology. 

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